Five tips to friends and family members so they can help bariatric surgery patients achieve their goal weight loss

Bariatric surgery – gastric bypass, Lap Band and REALIZE Band procedures - is recognized by the National Institute of Health as a safe and effective way for morbidly obese patients to lose weight. But surgery is only a tool, it’s still up to the patients to adhere to healthy diet and exercise program. With the food the center of many family activities, the New Jersey Bariatric Center finds that patients with strong family support and encouragement can increase weight loss success. Family support keeps patients on track as well as losing and maintaining their weight throughout their life.


“From the simplest everyday family dinner to the large family holiday celebrations, food and family are closely linked,” says Dr. Ajay Goyal, surgeon, New Jersey Bariatric Center. “While the ultimate success of weight loss surgery lies with the patients and their adherence to a healthy diet and exercise program, with family present during the majority of times when patients interact with food, their support and encouragement plays a significant role in a patient’s weight loss success.”


New Jersey Bariatric Center patient Dawn Rodriguez credits her husband and daughter’s support to her weight loss success. Rodriguez says while it wasn’t always easy on her family, “we had a lot of issues come up, even just sitting down to eat as a family became an issue because of what and how I had to eat compared with what and how they ate,” no matter what the issues were or how difficult it was at any given moment, her family never failed to support and be happy for her. “Even though losing weight is my accomplishment, if it wasn’t for them, I don’t think I would have gotten as far as I have or had the success that I’ve achieved.”

Five Tips for Family Members

Dr. Goyal offers five tips to friends and family members so they can help bariatric surgery patients achieve their goal weight loss after gastric bypass, Lap Band and REALIZE Band surgery.

1. Learn About the Surgical Procedure: Just as patients research and learn about what changes their bodies will undergo, it’s important for family members to do the same. Understanding the journey your family member is about to take will help you guide, coach and offer support throughout the process.

2. Respect Patients New Eating Habits: Your family member’s eating habits are going to change drastically immediately after weight loss surgery. Be respectful of their weight loss goal, don’t bring “treats” to the hospital after surgery, don’t encourage them to finish their plate when their full and try to refrain from tempting them with food - “a little bite won’t hurt you” - or inadvertently sabotaging their efforts, i.e. giving them a box of chocolates as a gift.

3. Don’t Blame the Patient: Over and over again patients remark that many of the toughest times during weight loss is when the family sits together at the dinner table. In many cases, the person who’s in charge of feeding the family is the patient, and the family overall sees a difference in the type of food now served that can be frustrating for family members. Fried chicken becomes grilled chicken, an ice cream treat is not a fruit treat. These little changes can cause bickering, squabbling and even heated debates at the dinner table. Try to stay away from responses such as “You chose this not me” or ‘Don’t punish me for your decisions,” stay calm, count to 10 before you respond, and find a solution that works for both parties.

4. Prepare for the Dynamics of the Relationship to Change: Was this your friend who you always went out for ice cream sundaes with when times got tough? Was your family member always a little shy due to her/his weight causing them to shrink from attention? As the weight comes off, prepare for the dynamics of the relationship to change. Instead of bonding over food or taking your joint frustrations out with food, find a new activity to enjoy together that doesn’t involve food – join a gym, take a class or start a book club. And understand your family member is still the person you’ve always known and loved, they’re not changing on you – you’re seeing a new confident side of them that’s always been there but that they were uncomfortable expressing when they were carrying the extra weight.

5. Compliment Success, Offer Encouragement During Setbacks: And finally, don’t forget to compliment your family member on the successes they’ve achieved, and offer encouragement during the more challenging times.